When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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