...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
