I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
