The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
