Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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