the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
