just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
