Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
