She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
