my mouth tastes like poor choices
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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