I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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