If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
