I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
