break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
