gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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