He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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