she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
