dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
