32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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