He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
