Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
