She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
