it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
