I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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