margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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