I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
