all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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