if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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