he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She bit a glass in half.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
