Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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