there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
