You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
