Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
