He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
