Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
