Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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