I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
