That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
