You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
