So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
