I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
