I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
