Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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