i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
