im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
