paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sext me about skeletons
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
