Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
