I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
