I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you never un-have a 4some
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your penis caused this!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
