HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
