i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
